Category Archives: Jokes

Funny Jokes

3 Sisters

3 Sisters

3sisters-1

 

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.”
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
“Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
“I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then yells,

“I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who’s at the door.”

 
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Subject: Tyrone’s Story

Subject: Tyrone’s Story
Because of his simple actions and clumsiness, his teacher, was always yelling
at him, “You’re driving me crazy, Tyrone.”

One day Tyrone’s mama came to school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mama honestly, that her son was simply a disaster,
getting very low grades, and that she had never seen such an under-achiever in her
entire teaching career.

The mom was so shocked at the feedback that she withdrew her son from
school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with Continue reading Subject: Tyrone’s Story

Confucius Say….

Confucius Say….

#funnyshit

Confucius Say….

Kiss is merely shopping upstairs,

For merchandise downstairs.

 

Confucius Say.

Better to lose a lover

Than love a loser.

 

Confucius Say.

Man with broken condom

Often called Daddy

 

Confucius Say.

Sex is same as bank account.

You put it in, you take it out….you lose interest.

 

Confucius Say.

Viagra just like Disneyland …

One hour wait for 5 minute ride.
Confucius Say.

Much better to want the mate you do not have

Than to have the mate you do not want.

 

Confucius Say.

Joke is like sex.

Neither any good if you don’t get it.

#funnyshit
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The Prescription

The Prescription

#funnyshit

pharmacy-clipart-1

 

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I’d like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law, I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

#funnyshit
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Vern          { 8 – (       Very Funny

VERN

Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
Two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every
Saturday.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard,
So for his birthday she takes him to a local
Strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
“Hey, Vern! How ya doin?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to
This club before.

“Oh no,” says Vern. “He’s in my bowling league.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern
If he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
And says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.”

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her
Arms around Vern, starts torub herself all
Over him and says…
“Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Vern’s wife, now furious,

Grabs her purse and Storms out of the club.

Vernfollows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
Beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper
Must have mistaken him for someone else,
But his wife is having none of it

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
Calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

The cabby turns around and says,

‘Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.’
VERN’S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD
THIS COMING FRIDAY.
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